WWE SUMMERSLAM QUICK PREDICTIONS

The return to written content begins today with the biggest show of the summer, WWE SummerSlam! If you keep up with TFSS on social media, or check out the podcast each Wednesday, you’ll know why I took time away from the site. But The Show is back for your visual stimulation!

I’m dipping my toes in the water for the return to written content. No long drawn out article. Just some quick hits and thoughts on tonight’s big show.

First things first… it’s too damn long! With a kickoff show beginning at 4pm CST, all the way through the Main Event roughly 6 hours later… that’s a bunch of pro wrasslin. Yes it’s only one day. Suck it up and deal I suppose. But consider this. The longest Super Bowl in history was 4 hours and 15 minutes. Add nearly 2 more hours on top of that. For wrestling? Too long.

If we could cut this card in half by shaving some random matches and rematches off the show, this edition of SummerSlam would be excellent. In my perfect world… Brock vs Seth, AJ vs Ricochet, Goldberg vs Ziggler, and Bayley vs Moon would all get sent to Clash of Champions next month. But my world is far from perfect and I can time my smoke breaks up with the shit I don’t care about. First world problems for sure.

Winners and Thoughts. My Predicted Winners are in BOLD.

Universal Championship – Brock Lesnar vs Seth Rollins. I have no idea who wins this one. If you put a gun to my head I’d blurt out Rollins. But I really hope that Lesnar murders Seth and squashes that ass in 6 minutes. I’m sick of this presentation of The Beast Slayer. Seth can be cool. But the way he’s being presented is just weak sauce. The last few weeks on RAW has given us comedic Seth, beaten Seth, determined Seth, desperate Seth…. and they ALL ABSOLUTELY SUCK!

WWE Championship – Kofi Kingston vs Randy Orton. Kofi cements his WWE Championship legacy with a no nonsense clean victory over a legend. Kofi’s run has been nice, but not spectacular due to the quality of opposition, being on the B-Show, and the simple fact that Kingston winning the title at Mania was the best part of the story. Now Kofi gets his signature victory over The Viper to close the book on a decade long story.

RAW Women’s – Becky Lynch vs Natalya (Submission). I respect Nattie. She deserves her occasional shine for her professionalism and in-ring ability. I think she’ll get her last big moment here in Canada. Becky chasing the belt would be a nice change to The Man’s story. Becky’s rise from goggle wearing goof to female SCSA has been incredible…. but… she’s starting to get a little too big for her britches (in kayfabe world) and Nattie in front of her home crowd is a great choice to knock Lynch down a peg.

Charlotte Flair vs Trish Stratus – Icon vs Icon. In Toronto. Trish says this is her final match. The Queen is (briefly) not in the title picture. This is perfect. Trish goes out on her back like a legend is supposed to.

Kevin Owens vs Shane McMahon (If Kevin loses, he quits WWE). I like the story. I can’t wait for Shane to go back to a role player instead of a feature presentation. But the stipulation kills the intrigue. Kevin isn’t quitting the WWE. So the winner is obvious. Obvious is tolerable as long as the story is told well. See Titanic.

The Fiend Bray Wyatt vs Regular (?) Finn Balor. The Fiend should demolish Balor if Balor is just the regular tight short junk enhancing pro wrestler. Balor is rumored to go on vacation soon, and Wyatt’s new character is hotter than the sun. Wyatt needs to win convincingly and send Finn to the beach. When Finn returns in a couple months, maybe he’ll bring his paint brush and a wild hat for a Demon vs Fiend epic confrontation.

That’s all I care to predict. The rest of the card is a skip to me. I’ll watch and review. But it’s not worth a preview. Follow on social @TheFiveStarShow

Cover Photo via Bleacher Report and Google Images