I was supposed to be in New York this weekend. I have tickets to Smackdown Live in Brooklyn. But nope. My girlfriend and her Mother can’t control themselves so now the trip is off. I pulled the plug it was that bad. The mother lives in New York and we were supposed to drive up together. It would’ve been my first trip to the city. Fuck it. My life sucks.

My Smackdown Tickets

Speaking of things that usually suck, it’s predictions time! I have no idea what my schedule will be this weekend. Will I take a new vacation. Or will I just go on drunken tweet storms about my future Mother-in-Law from my bedroom? Who knows? So here are my predictions for every WWE Wrestlemania Championship match.

CBS Sports helped me with the card.

Women’s Championship – Charlotte Flair (SD Women’s) vs Ronda Rousey (Raw Women’s) vs Becky Lynch

Most of the build up for this Main Event has been awesome. I’ve worried about too much Becky in the internet wrestling community day and age. So far fans still seem to love her. Charlotte being inserted was an obvious. I didn’t love it at first but the decision has worked. Becky vs Ronda might be the issue, but the Queen could be the one walking out with all the gold. Ronda has been much better since her heel turn.

I’ll predict Becky Lynch closes the show as Double Champion. Who she pins probably depends on Ronda’s plans after Mania. If Ronda is making babies, pin Ronda. Ronda can make babies and come back pissed off next year. Ronda lost in UFC and took a year off….we’ll ignore that her UFC comeback didn’t exactly go so well. Charlotte can claim she didn’t get beat. Continue the Becky vs Charlotte issues.  

If Ronda is not taking time off, Becky should pin Charlotte so Ronda can say she never lost. Pissed off Ronda without her title that she didn’t technically lose could be great. Charlotte will be fine. She’s lost before. You can’t be an 8-time Champ without losing at least 7 times previously.

Universal Championship – Brock Lesnar (c) vs Seth Rollins

I thought last Wrestlemania would be when Brock lost the strap. Turns out, 106 F5’s proved to be too strong for Roman Reigns. Hopefully, Seth wins the belt here. I want Brock in UFC one more time. And I’d like to have the Universal Championship be important again. It didn’t matter so much when the IC belt felt important. More on that later.

WWE Championship — Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Kofi Kingston

I love all of this except for the multiple gauntlet matches in the build up. I hope Kofi gets his moment. I’ll cheer for Kofi. But I am predicting Daniel Bryan to win just to piss people off. Not every match can have the good guy prevail.

Intercontinental Championship — Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Finn Balor

Fuck this match. Demon’s intro is awesome. That’s about it for me. I used to like the Demon character. Until its goofy ass video package this Monday. Bobby was looking around like… uhh you still the same little bitch you were, just with paint on bro.

Finn seemed legit after the Brock match at Rumble. He got the IC title later. Then he lost it on RAW. I guess WWE likes Bobby enough to give him cool Mania matches. Demon Balor and Demon Trump is pretty cool to have on the resume. Demon wins

United States Championship — Samoa Joe (c) vs. Rey Mysterio

Will Rey Mysterio be able to compete after an ankle injury this week? I’d love to see this match so I hope for Rey’s sake he can go. Joe finally won something this year. The “I lost to AJ so much so they gave me this other belt” United States Championship. At least he won something! Joe retains unless Cena is a surprise replacement. Then all bets are off.

Women’s Tag Team Championships — Sasha Banks & Bayley (c) vs. Beth Phoenix & Natalya vs. Nia Jax & Tamina Snuka vs. The IIconics

It’s too early for Sasha and Bayley to lose, right? Unless Summerslam sees the Boss & Hug connection fight each other. I think it’s too early for that. The Champions retain.

Smackdown Tag Team Championships — The Usos (c) vs. Rusev and Shinsuke vs. The Bar vs. Black and Ricochet.

Why the hell do Black and Ricochet get to challenge for every tag team title in one week? Hell, why are these two even a tag team in the first place? Black has the intro and skills to be a special attraction. Ricochet has the ability to be a top Smackdown singles star. I’ll stick with the Champs here. I wish the Hardy’s were in this match.

Cruiserweight Championship — Buddy Murphy (c) vs. Tony Nese

I don’t watch it. So I’ll say Murphy retains.

Stay tuned for more Wrestlemania coverage if I can actually get to do it!