I’m watching Smackdown Live on DVR. Here’s what I think.
We start with Paige in the ring. She talks about the stress of the job. She shows the footage of Joe at AJ’s house last week. Paige calls this the most dastardly crime in WWE history… Benoit? Paige says Samoa Joe should be fired! Samoa Joe was charged for trespassing. AJ dropped the charges and said don’t fire Joe. AJ wants to punish Joe himself. AJ vs Joe at SSD is on.
AJ has video footage of him at his house. Soft spoken. Says he’s sorry he can’t be at Smackdown Live. Says he can’t perform tonight. This is bigger than WWE, he says. AJ looks weak here. I know it’s a baby promo but he looks like weak sauce. AJ gets manlier and says he wants bury Joe alive? Are we getting a Buried Alive match? Nah.
Jesus…. R-Truth is here with Carmella. What’s up!? Here comes Zelina and Cien. Women in the ring first. Vega does a bad moonwalk. Mella does a good moonwalk. A “let’s go Mella” chant breaks out?! What planet am I on?
Men are in. Double splits for R-Mella and the rope sit with Team Cien. Dance break. Huge fall to the outside as Cien wipes out going after Truth in the corner. Women back in. Mella is Money. Almas breaks up a two count. Mella goes for a superkick to Almas! Almas catches! Truth saves the day. Takes Cien to the outside. Vega goes for a sneak rollup countered by Mella into Code of Silence. Fabulous Truth wins. Hate to say it but that was fun shit.
Backstage with Paige. Tye Dillinger wants Randy Orton. Paige grants his wish.
Don’t you dare be sour! It’s a New Day! New Day Cooks is next? Ok so The Bar will come ruin this. A word from our sponsers…IcoPro haha. This is the usual talking segment with New Day. It’s good but I’m not typing it all. The gist is that Mr. Bootyworth has the recipe for pancakes and he will share it tonight. Here comes The Bar. Byron wanted Mr. Bootyworth to penetrate his ear. Wow.
The Swiss know about making pastries. Sheamus turns over the kitchen table. A brawl breaks out. Flour to the face. The Bar dominating The New Day. So The New Day will win on Saturday morning. The Bar look at Mr. Bootyworth. They dump pancake batter into his top hat then stick the hat on his head. They dump the rest on him and yell at him to leave.
Tye vs Randy Orton is next. Good luck Tye. Smackdown 1000 is in two weeks. Tye goes after Randy quickly. Randy says eff that. Randy with uppercuts. Tye counters and knocks Orton out of the ring. This match hasn’t officially started. Tye puts Orton on to the announce table with a sidewalk slam. Tye is mad! Randy takes control now. Randy picks up the ring steps. Decides not to use them. He then exposes the turnbuckle and sticks Tye’s finger in it to break it. Trying for the whole gross factor but it can’t top Hardy’s ear spot. No actual match happens.
Daniel Bryan vs Shelton Benjamin will happen tonight. Miz is backstage with Shelton. Miz says Shelton is overlooked. Miz needs Shelton to hurt Daniel Bryan. Shelton is ready to remind the world who he is. Miz will be on commentary.
Aiden English asks if the truck is ready, He’s got something to show the world. It’s One Night in Milwaukee next!
Rusev is out with Lana. Hour 1 is in the books. Rusev on the mic wants to tear Aiden apart. He asks Aiden to come on out and show the evidence. Aiden is out with a backstory. He’s stalling and Lana calls him out on it. Aiden continues with nonsense facts about Milwaukee….we’re in Portland by the way. Here comes the video.
It’s Aiden in his hotel practicing his Milwaukee song. Lana walks into the room. Lana wants to tell Aiden that she wants him! The video abruptly stops. Aiden says he wants to show the rest of the video but he’s got an offer from TMZ. He doesn’t want to “cheat” on that offer. Rusev chases Aiden. Lana is left standing. Graves loves this shit.
Here comes Daniel Bryan. Shelton got no entrance after commercial. Good wrestling match to start as expected. Back and forth. Miz on commentary talking about what he will do with the WWE Championship. He says these guys want to prove they are the best wrassler. Miz wants to elevate the title like he did with the IC belt. This is a good TV wrestling match. Miz leaves commentary to get Bryan. Bryan knocks Miz off the apron. Shelton hits his finish on Bryan while Bryan was distracted by Miz. Shelton wins.
Miz with a post match attack on Daniel. Focusing on the ribs. Skull Crushing Finale.
Breast Cancer time…
Peyton Royce vs Asuka is next. Boner city for me personally. Cool move from Royce to Asuka. Crowd is dead. Asuka with a cool dropkick off the ropes after being sent into the corner. Asuka taps Peyton in a nothing match. The Iiconics have to win in Australia right?
Becky Lynch’s surprise will close the show.
Becky in the ring with some painting or picture covered up. Becky says the Smackdown Women’s Division is the most relevant thing going in WWE. As much as I love her….that’s a lie. Becky shows highlights of her beating Charlotte. Drum roll for the surprise. It’s a new poster for Super Show Down that was covered up with Becky standing over Charlotte. Here comes Charlotte. Charlotte with a spear to Becky. Charlotte slams Becky into the poster then applies the figure four. Wooo. That’s the show.
Not the best episode of Smackdown Live in the world. Join me on YouTube Saturday at 3:30 am CST for the Pre Show. See my final predictions for SSD on Friday here on the site. Follow on Twitter @5starshowtime or @TheFiveStarShow for more info.